It’s a parent’s nightmare: Your once decent and relatively happy kid suddenly begins to change. He (or she) exhibits a changed, distressing personality, a troubling new personal appearance, an edgy attitude, and increasingly testy relations with siblings and with you. Something is not quite right with your child. And you know why.

It’s a parent’s instinct: You know your kid has fallen in with the “wrong crowd,” or to put it bluntly, with kids who are pure, malign trouble, and they are taking your kid down with them. 

It’s a parent’s reaction: Something’s gotta be done. You know that at some point – maybe soon - your child will be irretrievably locked into a malevolent clique. And be lost. 

Throughout two decades of parenting life, I’ve seen this transformation in kids: Good kids falling in with undeniably awful kids, a once promising adolescent life upended. I also know there’s one sure way to turn this around.

Yes, this way is tough, embarrassing, and ugly – it requires unrelenting intervention and intercession. You, as the parent, have to ratchet up the pressure and heat so high that the kid has no option but to stay away from the bad kids for good.

First off, what’s a bad kid? That’s easy. Any parent can spot a jerk. They’re devious, shifty, and contemptuous, they disdain rules and they are addicted to phones and screens and social media. As ringleaders, they treat their counterparts – girls and boys – with condescension.  They are on the fringe at school and you can bet they’re drinking and using drugs - they’re on the edge. C’mon folks, you know who they are.

And here are the six ways in which you break your kid free from them:

1.    First up is frank, tough conversation. Get them alone and in solitude – no electronics, not a single individual around, and not in the house with all its distractions. The place has got to be momentous so the kid knows it’s serious. You tell him/her. ‘Hey pal, I’m concerned.  You’ve changed – you know it and we all know it. You were on the right road and it’s obvious to everyone you’re not anymore.  Tell me about this kid/kids you’re hanging around.’  When the kid explains, or tries to explain, you respond, ‘Ok, well here’s the deal:  I don’t want you to see that kid and his/her friends anymore.  They are bad news and they will ruin all that you have worked for. This either stops or I am going to intervene and cause you - and our family - humiliation and embarrassment and shame like you’ve never seen.’

2.    You monitor your kid.  Because this is an electronic age, begin with his/her phone, for which you doubtless foot the bill. You take control of the apps and the messaging services. Monitor and cut way back on video games. Forbid the kid to be in any contact with the bad crowd on any platform. 

3.    Oh, so your kid is around the bad guys at school? You go to the school and meet with the relevant counselors, perhaps even teachers, and explain exactly your concerns. You make it well known to everyone there that you have major-league concerns about your kid being in the wrong crowd.

        If nothing, the shock value will be tremendous. ‘What kind of parent does this?’ the school officials will think.
        Answer:  One who cares. What will you achieve?  You’ve let everyone know exactly what the score is.  You have made
        an outrageous scene that is remembered. And you can count on it that this will get around to your kid and others that
        you are deadly serious.

4.    Then, you monitor every moment of after-school activity.  You put him or her on a short leash – the schedule is school, whatever sports and activities, and then home. No exceptions. You limit the kid’s hours out on weekends. You require that he/her tell you who he is meeting and hanging around. You follow up to see if the truth is being told.

5.    You make a point of maneuvering him into contact with good kids; you reach out to the parents of such kids, and you become relentless in getting your kid with those kids whom you trust and who are on the right path.

6.    Every family has family and friends that a kid respects and trusts – you ask them to speak with your kid.  What’s to lose?!

Of course, throughout all this, expect major-league arguments and unpleasant scenes and general uproar.  Welcome it all because chaos is good – you, the kid, the jerks, realize that your full-scale assault is not going away.

Because what’s the alternative?! Your kid continues to hang around the losers. You “hope” that the situation changes. “He’ll come to his senses,” you say. No, he won’t.

Fear some kind of backlash from the kid? What? Before you intervened, you were already being driven crazy in imagining all the bad outcomes; every phone call after 8 p.m. made you cringe. 

If your campaign is successful, your kid -  the decent one you once had - is going to realize his or her errors, come back to you, and admit to you at some point that you were right.