A part of my good-natured approach to parenting was that I occasionally liked seeing one of my

sons in a tight, uncomfortable public situation even when it was nerve- wracking for me and

utterly agonizing for him. Call me counterintuitive but don’t call me unfeeling – ha! No kid

evades the crucibles in life and the sooner he or she learns to confront and absorb them the

better.

I’ve beat this drum enough already but I can’t help my- self. As parents, we know that

childhood and adolescence have unavoidable tests and yes, consequences. Victories and

failures. We also know that kid problems are exactly that: kid problems. Transitory and minor-

league in the major schemes of life. Just think back to your childhood – you encountered

reverses as a kid and guess what, you’re still standing. In the history of mankind no kid and no

adult has proven bulletproof.

Certainly there are serious calamities – injuries or deaths in families, medical situations,

parental discord, financial perils. Some of these can take superhuman effort to overcome. I’ve

had a few and I know you have as well. Each one is a consequence of living. No matter how

decent and self-assured a kid is there are going to be ordeals and sometimes disasters.

Check out this list be- low – any sound familiar? Maybe you have some to add.

• A boy or girl wrestling with friendships and peer pressure; a kid being sucked into

something they know is wrong.

• A child finding themselves on the outside while everyone else is on the inside.

• A kid struggling with academics, athletics or any kind of pursuit, from failing a class to

not be- ing selected for a school production to riding the bench for an entire season.

• A boy and girl’s awkwardness and confusion as they grow into adolescence.

• Sheer bullying and unkindness. (My youngest son, saddled with thick eyeglasses and big

for his age, entered a brand new school in 5th grade and was taunted for months by kids who

were long-timers there.)

Then there are the personal disappointments that are never revealed to a parent. I know for a

fact that my three sons didn’t share everything with me and I was fine with that – if something

was really bad, I figured they’d tell me. Failures and despair will occur again and again over the

days and years. I know. I saw it in the lives of my three sons – missteps and blunders and

heartache. Real pain.

That’s why when those inevitable moments came where each one hit the wall, I wanted them to

be ready to absorb the distress and instinctively find a way forward. There were three lessons to

impart.

First, I worked hard to persuade all three that the best way of avoiding sagas or at least prevent

them from spinning out of control was to always be prepared for what the day would bring.

Second, I strove to have them react to any setback, large or small with as much calm as they

could muster, always keeping the hit in perspective with regards to the bigger picture.

Third, I wanted them to be able to recover fast from difficult scenes with forthrightness. That

meant to clearly assess the problem, adapt to the changed circumstances and then advance

forward, no matter how slowly. There’s no way to shield your kid from discomfort. And you

shouldn’t.

 It’s that old saying: Prepare your kid for the path, not the path for your kid. Beware

the fragile son or daughter.