I won’t offer you a throw-the-long-bomb “adolescent stratagem” or “advice on a “parental dialogue” That’s because “stratagem” and “dialogue” are the same as hopeless, only spelled differently. Instead, I know from experience that creating basic, worthwhile patterns in a kid comes the hard way - a yard or two yards at a time. Developing this type of efficiency and resilience is not a sophisticated undertaking. And it begins with this: Organization.

In my kitchen hung a homemade calendar, a plain 2 ½ by 3-foot sheet of white paper sectioned into 30 days of the upcoming month with a Sharpie and a ruler. But my sons and I didn’t call it a calendar. “This, gents,” I told them, using my “we’re men here” voice, “is a map. We start at the first day of September in the top left-hand corner and we work our way all the way down to the bottom right-hand corner. We’re not counting the days. We’re making each day count. We’re getting somewhere each month. If you don’t understand that now, you will.” They stared at me mutely, but I knew they’d get it over time. 

At the beginning of September, we started filling in the boxes with what events we knew were coming. Each kid had to list their key academic and outside activities events on the Map. This is adult-speak for “deliverables.” What homework assignments and projects are due, when are your tests? Put in all your practices, your games, birthday parties, the crazy community service stuff. 

Oh, you have a test on Friday? It was written down on a Friday, along with a reminder for the Tuesday prior. Paper due on Wednesday? Get it up there and it also goes on the calendar the previous Friday.

Then, chores: Garbage cans to the curb weekly, doing dishes and general kitchen cleanup, straightening up the den, the living room, pulling rotated duty with Dad on weekend yard cleanup. Every athletic practice for all three kids, every game. Everything was listed.

Moreover, each kid had a different color pen assigned to their name and tasks, so each clearly knew their responsibilities with a glance at the map.   A typical month on the map was artistry, the boxes filled with each day – constant, constant reminders of what each day held. A snapshot of the active life. 

 

Every night, before rack time, we reviewed it. What is on deck the next day? For goodness sake, are you ready?!

No-Excuses Responsibility
Each kid, rotating in once every three months, was responsible for composing all the items on the map, which meant they had to get with their brothers and me to keep it current. The youngest could barely write but there were no excuses – he sat at the dinner table painstakingly putting all this stuff on the map at age 5. It just took him longer and it was less legible.

Sound utterly and totally simplistic? It was. What did it do? It made them the most organized kids in the zip code. They became disciplined in using their time. Personal accountability became habitual. They were always prepared.

And let me emphasize here: No, they did not get A's on every test and homework assignment and project nor did they shine like champs every afternoon on the fields.

In fact, they obtained something better: They became consistent. They were always ready and alert. And in the long game called childhood and adolescence, that’s more important than occasional moments here and there of outstanding performance.

Every day of every month, charted out. Year in, year out. The organized, prepared kid becomes over time, the confident, assured kid - the kid ready to perform. The map was the first, basic piece in developing that kind of kid. In fact all three devised their own maps in college – at the U.S. Naval Academy, Williams, and West Point.

So start your map – organized and orderly is the best way to begin this school year. You can develop that prepared and confident kid and make this school year a touchstone in your kid’s life. That’s because success in anything follows the resilient kid.