That’s why, one December when reaching this frustration point I decided it was time for a major-league change. Forget the gifts that bring a sugar-high joy but are discarded in a month. I was going to give them items that had staying power.

What I didn’t know is that these thoughtful, inexpensive gifts would endure for years, right up to today. And here they are: 

The Year in Review

Every kid produces a record. And by that I mean: schoolwork, art drawings (yes, from when they were four-years old), photos from the last soccer season and winter swim meets and the family vacation; a program from the college football game that he insists on keeping; the Earth Day report with glued leaves and twigs; test papers and report cards and the certificate from the Science Fair and the community newspaper article with his name in it. I could go on but I imagine you get it. Like many parents, I’ve held onto it all.

The day after Thanksgiving, I rummaged around throughout the house, basement, and attic, gathered up all this kid flotsam and then carefully sorted it, making a stack for each kid. Photos and other docs that were on my computer – I printed them all out.

Then, I painstakingly placed the items in plastic sheet protectors and to each added a whimsical note. All was inserted in a three-ring binder for each kid, on which the front was written, “The Year in Review.” Yeah, a scrapbook, with the items chosen for maximum joy and inspiration and laughs.

The binders were the hit of our Christmas. This wasn’t a material thing – it was an entire year of page-by-page good memories and surprisingly, they were pored over throughout the year by the boys.

In fact, “The Year in Review” has been going now been going for 16 years. It’s easy and rewarding to put together - I make a point throughout the year of keeping every document and photo related to each son.  

Indeed, the “Year” provided all three sons with a priceless glimpse of their achievements and happy times. As they got older, one year set the bar for the next, and they kept raising the bar. The accomplishments became more important, the events more momentous, the memories stronger, the stakes higher. The Year was a constant and colorful reminder of what they had achieved.

When the eldest kid, out of college, was at home packing his gear for a Naval deployment in the Far East, I offhandedly asked him what he was taking, “Volume two.” he said simply. “If I get homesick, I can pull it out.”

The Saturday Bleacher Report

Most Dads know it takes effort to spend unrushed and undistracted time with your son. You’re grinding at work all week, your kid is at school, there are after-school activities, he’s got homework, it’s now 8 p.m. and you’re already thinking about tomorrow. It’s the iron grip of the Schedule.

After yet another year of this perpetual motion machine, I decided to get a grip on this madness and take control. I sat them all down one weekend morning in December and said, “Guys, we’ve been all over the map this year and it’s no good. Next year is going to be different and you’ll see what I mean on Christmas Day.” From the web, I downloaded three copies of a blank office calendar for the next year and performed some primitive artwork on each with colored pencils.

On Christmas Day, I distributed a calendar to each kid. “Ok, you’re wondering, what’s the deal here? We’re going into a hard routine, gents. You will notice that each Saturday as marked on your calendar, one of you lucky guys – just one - leaves with me at 9 and will be home by noon. If you have a game, it’s gonna be Sunday. There’s only one requirement for each Saturday: Be prepared to run and to talk.”

Over time, this became known as the Saturday Morning Bleacher Report. I and the designated son would grab some breakfast at a local diner and then go to the fields at the local high school, which on any given Saturday morning is one of the most peaceful places on the planet. We’d throw around a football or lacrosse ball or a baseball for an hour and afterwards, sprawl across several rows of bleacher benches and just talk. It was simple – I’d think up some topics to draw him out and then we’d slide into the rundown: How’d the week go? Name one big success, one big fail; ok, here’s what happened during my week. What’s coming up that makes you nervous, confident? There were zero distractions; the phones were left in car, there were no brothers to interrupt - just the fields stretching before us as we graduated from everyday stuff to serious stuff.

This routine never varied. As the years went on, the conversations became more important inasmuch as the boys were wrestling with academics and sports and friends and the college matters.

The Bleacher Report never ended. My youngest kid was home from college over this past Thanksgiving and I’ll let you guess where Saturday found us.

3. My book – Four Lessons from My Three Sons: How You Can Raise Resilient Kids.

Ok, any easy pitch. This gem is only 60-pages long, a 45-minute read, hard and fast and funny. It tells the story of how I raised my kids and propelled them to the U.S. Naval Academy, Williams College, and West Point. It’s a step-by-step guide on how to develop boys who are steadfast in conduct, character, and ambition.

There you are - three simple, inexpensive gifts that could fundamentally change how you interact with and motivate your son. Indeed, three Christmas presents with a shelf life not for a month, but for years to come.